Where have I been?

Ugh. That describes my days lately. I find myself very motivated, and every Monday it seems, i start over. It makes sense, then doesn't it, that I am a Cubs fan? Knock me down, I get right back up every time. You cant keep me down, and every time I start over, I know this is the time it will take.

I have decided to just work on eating healthier, eating more fruit, when I was doing Atkins, I got away from fruit so much, and when I am not eating it, my children aren't eating it either. That is a must have, a definite switch we needed to make. I am trying to add working out into my life more.

But, right now, I am drowning a bit. My husband has taken a new job, where he is gone all week. He comes home Friday nights, then leaves early Monday morning, sometimes Sunday nights. There are times I like the peacefulness of the weekday evenings, but for the most part I feel left. Left to take care of two kids, and a house, pay the bills, figure out how to sell this one and buy a new one. Not to mention working, I am very fortunate to work at home, but working 35-40 hours a week at home is more stressful for me than working in an office. I try to tell people, imagine doing your job in your office with a 3 year old crying at your chair when he cant have a Sharpie to write on the wall. Try to put your customer on hold so you can explain why Nickelodeon switched Diego to come after Dora instead of Max and Ruby. I really do find it more stressful, but it saves in the cost of daycare, and apparently my stress levels do not have a price tag. So fine. Here I am. My chosen lot, i try to accept the decisions I have made, and I do well for the most part.

But today, i am drowning. Today i want to leave and drive, turn the radio up really loud, and drive really fast. I wonder if I will get arrested if the kids have duct tape on their mouth? I mean, I would strap their seat belts on. Oh, you thought I would get to go alone? pffft...even in my daydreams, they are with me. Needing something. Needing me.