I had a long conversation the other night with a dear friend, and I told her my history. Why I overeat, why it's my mother's fault, and how I can't get over it, even at 33 years old. I haven't lived with my mother since I was 20 years old, yet it is still her fault.
Of course it is! How could it be my fault? I don't have willpower, I don't have discipline, I don't want it bad enough. Right? I literally caught myself saying to myself this morning " I just don't have the willpower" And I stopped myself, and said "yes you do dummy, you do have the willpower, you just don't believe it...."
I have been telling myself for about 15 years that I have no willpower, or discipline, when I should be saying to myself, staring in the mirror, "You have GREAT discipline! you are so strong! Look at how strong you are!" I can honestly say, I have never told myself those things. Ever. Why not? I tell my children how wonderful they are, I tell my friends, my sister, my husband, how proud I am of them, how handsome he is, how pretty she is. I never tell myself those things, and wouldn't it mean the most coming from the person that knows me the best? Who knows better what truly lies inside of me, at my deepest darkest corners? If I say it, it must be true, because I know myself better than anyone, so only I know the truth.
From now on, every day, I will tell myself, staring in my own eyes, exactly how wonderful I am, exactly how MUCH strength and willpower i actually do have (surprise!) and really start to feed my ego.
Maybe then, i will stop trying to feed it with food.
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